Consider something

I was writing on my blog at myspace. While I typically try to get my blogging lined within the same context, I write different content at each site. Tonight, however, I am compelled to post this same blog here. It is something that has been presented to me in thought and in action a couple of times over the course of the last few days. . .

For those of you who join me in multiple locations, my apologies for the repetition. However, this is something I feel all should consider . . .

Breaking Confidences and Betraying Trust

Who has a right to know information about me? Do I have a right to know information about someone else? In a world where technology makes the world so much smaller boundaries can be crossed inadvertently. It can also create a world where no informaton is held sacred. Living with an obsessive person leads one to become cautious. I have had my computers at work hacked. He would gloat about doing so. I have had my personal computer compromised. All in the guise of needing to know who I was talking to or potentially having alleged affairs with. I have had phone bills pulled and data scoured. Questions slammed at me to answer for every conceivable possibility that there was. I was suspect of more than any one person could accomplish in a life time. Why? Truth? I hid things from my abuser for years. He wanted me to be someone I was not. He got angry when I wasn't meeting his standards. I wanted him to be someone he was not. I was disappointed in him for not meeting mine. We were truly never compatible. His lies begot my lies. My lies begot his lies. It all became a sorted, ugly mess!! To leave him though, or expect him to remain gone when he would leave, was unthinkable. He was obsessed and became more so over the course of years. I broke his confidence and I betrayed his trust. It was reciprocated in turn. The boundaries however were breached when he began to delve into everything, hacking, demanding access to any and all data. Stalking and monitoring every move, smirk, smile, look, statement, call, email, personal interaction of any nature. No one owns anyone. To try to own someone is to squelch any identity that person possesses of themselves. Leave it alone!! When someone wants to leave, when the emotion is gone, let them go. When they are no longer adding value to your life let them go. There is no need to compromise confidences. Part amicably, let go. There is no need to take a wrong, add another wrong to it and try to make it right. If you are wanting to leave, leave. Don't stay out of obligations. Don't stay out of a sense of 'doing right'. Don't stay for the wrong reasons. Your misery will eventually kill you, if not physically, emotionally. Your misery will eventuly bleed out into every other aspect of your life and those in and around it. If the one you are leaving won't let you go, don't jeopardize your safety. The confidences and trusts are now being broken and the situation can and typically does become volitile. As soon as opportunity presents itself, leave, get professional help doing so. You no longer owe it to your abuser to retain their confidences. They are not respecting yours and they are sabotaging your sanity, health and well being!! Betraying their trust in seeking to save your self is no longer a burden of guilt you must endure. Their obsession prevents them from having any founded trust of you realistically or unrealistically. The relationship has now become toxic. It's time to sober up. Those who continue to stalk and monitor the goings on of those they have obsessed over need their own professional help. Be cautious, remain cautious. Many abusers still carry the candle of sick obsession well after the final note of a relationship is done. If they are known to be monitoring activity, turn them in. If others are assisting them in monitoring or betraying the safety and security of another they need to discontinue doing so. There is no call for contributing to the delinquency of an abuser. Even if an abuser declares they are reformed, framed or victimized in their own right, know that they likely pleaded on the sympathies of the very person you are 'narc-ing' on. The one who stood up and finally got away believed the abuser was the victim of life too, at some point. Consider where that put them before you stir the pot more!